How to be happy (backwards)

There are quite a lot of  ‘How to be Happy’ guides around.  So this is something a little bit different.

This is the complete guide to being utterly miserable:

1. Look for the worst in every situation.
2. Worry about things that haven’t happened – make sure that when you worry, you imagine the very worst case scenario.
3. Expect failure – have absolutely zero faith in your ability to succeed, make a difference or make changes.
4. Focus on your mistakes.
5. Recall in mind-numbing detail sad things that have happened in the past.
6. Believe that people do not like you.
7. Fail to notice the nice things that people around you say and do.
8. Spend the majority of your day complaining.
9. Never think about solutions – always think about problems.
10. Read bad news in newspapers and watch the news on television.
11. Look at yourself in the mirror and dislike the person staring back at you.
12. Criticise yourself all the time.
13. Never be yourself – always pretend to be something that you are not.
14. Eat lots of sugary sweet things – 10 cakes a day if possible.
15. Watch a lot of television.
16. Refuse to partake in any form of exercise.
17. Choose friends that you don’t get on with.
18. Find a job that you hate.
19. Never be honest about your own shortcomings – always blame everything on everyone else.
20. Eat McDonalds every day – preferably for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
21. Don’t wash or comb your hair.
22. Refuse to smile at anyone.
23. Wear the same clothes for a week.
24. Take life seriously – and avoid laughing as much as possible.
25. Eat cheese just before going to bed.
26. Dwell on every little upset, for at least a week, preferably longer.
27. Take the way other people act, personally, all the time.
28. Wear too tight shoes, or new ones that cut into your feet.
29. Eat foods like broccoli, sprouts and baked beans on a regular basis.
30. Don’t have any hobbies or interesting – be bored.

This list should help you on the way to being utterly miserable.  If I have left anything out, please let me know.  But if you would rather be happy, just don’t do anything on this list

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