Don’t believe the hype!

So you have a thought, something like, “they don’t like me” and then you BELIEVE it.

Then, when you see that person and you are believing that thought and you UNQUESTIONINGLY think that it is true, then your experience will reflect that thought.

You will see what you believe is true.  And anything that argues with or differs with that belief will either be rejected by your mind, argued with or not even noticed at all.

Say for instance that I think “Susan” doesn’t like me.  If I see Susan, I’m going to be immediately reserved with her.  Why should I open up to someone that doesn’t like me?  And Susan will probably pick up on that and be somewhat reserved with me – thereby apparently proving the belief “Susan doesn’t like me.”

If Susan says, “You like nice today,” I might think I don’t believe her, she’s just being sarcastic and totally dismiss the comment.  (There is also the element of whether I think I look nice; if I think I look nice I’ll believe her, if I think I look a mess I won’t – again seeing only what I believe to be true).

If Susan asks to meet up with me, I might then think, if I’m still believing the thought “Susan doesn’t like me,” that she’s just being polite and doesn’t really want to, and then politely decline her offer.

Eventually, Susan will probably get the hint and stop bothering with me.  Boof bang!  Belief proved – “Susan doesn’t like me.”

Susan may have well really liked me but my belief wouldn’t allow it.

We all do it – our minds are very automatic and issue out heaps of thoughts all the time, every day in every moment.  Most of the time we are not even aware of the thoughts but they do affect us – mentally, emotionally and physically.

The thought, “Susan doesn’t like me,” can easily cause my heart to close and my shoulders to hunch up.  If I’m seeing someone as non-welcoming, reactions will come up in my body.  Everyone knows that stress can cause ulcers!  And stress is the result of un-helpful thinking.

Taking that belief, “Susan doesn’t like me,” and using Byron Katie’s work follows this route:

1) Is it true that Susan doesn’t like me? Yes.

2) Can you absolutely know that it’s true, that Susan doesn’t like me?  No.  How can I get into the head of someone else?  How can I possibly know what someone else is thinking or feeling (especially if I don’t even know what I’m thinking half the time).

So no, I cannot absolutely know that Susan doesn’t like me.  That’s a blow to my absolutely certainty in my belief.

3) How do I react when I believe that thought?  Well I pull back, I shrink back from Susan.  I think I am not in good company.  I don’t feel safe.  I feel protective of myself.  I am reserved with Susan.  I tend to think the worst of everything she says.

4)  Who would I be without that thought?  I’d be relaxed and open and just be myself.  I’d be nice to Susan.  I would feel happy in her company.

Ah!  So it’s not Susan’s fault then, that I am reserved with her.  It’s totally my responsibility.  It’s totally my belief.

Then there’s the turn arounds:

I don’t like Susan – well why should I like someone that doesn’t like me?  I don’t like being around someone that doesn’t like me.  Correction, someone that I THINK doesn’t like me which I now realise is not necessarily true.  Find a few examples, of ways in which I don’t like Susan.  Maybe I think she talks too much or doesn’t listen (but wait, maybe I talk too much and maybe I’m not that great at listening either).

I don’t like myself – ah!  so I don’t like myself and I’m blaming Susan for not liking the things I don’t like about myself.  ah! interesting.  In what ways do I not like myself?  Well I talk too much and I’m not that great at listening – that really annoys me about myself.

Susan likes me – oh yeah!  she’s often smiled at me, i’d never really noticed that before.  I just thought she had wind.  And she’s asked me to go out with her and I said no – maybe she’s lonely, maybe she needs a friend?  Oh!  I feel bad now.

After going through this process, and examing all the possible angles, the things that are true for you, the original belief is much much harder to automatically believe.  In fact, it often just falls away like a snowflake once it is looked at and questioned.

Another important thing to understand is where the belief, “Susan doesn’t like me,” resides and who ‘created’ it.  Well it exists in my head – it’s not written on a stone, or a pavement, I can’t buy it, no-one else can see it, it’s not physically real, the only place it exists is in my head.

And how did it get there?  Well I decided to think that.  The first time I met her she was very quiet and decided to interpret her quietness as meaning that she didn’t like me.  So I was the creator of that belief.  And so if I decided to make that belief up, then I’m equally capable of un-making that belief.

And so it lies with me… I am responsible for the thoughts I believe.  Just me.

And it’s not really a question of going into why I thought that and believed it but more looking at what I am believing and just taking some time to evaluate if I can really honestly support that it’s true.  Thoughts can come up willy nilly at all times and in all places and the fact that they come up is not the problem – it is whether you or I believe them, without questioning their validity that’s the question.

Questioning thoughts can really open your eyes and take away the blinkers.

Can you relate to this?  Do you have thoughts that you unquestioningly believe, that cause you stress and unhappiness?